@FTThum #BookReview ‘Nina’s Memento Mori’ by Mathias B Freese

This quote from Gabor Maté comes to mind as I read Nina’s Memento Mori by Mathias B Freese.

“I needed to write, to express myself through written language not only so that others might hear me but so that I could hear myself.”

 

Title:      Nina’s Memento Mori
Author:  Mathias B Freese
Publishers: Wheatmark
Format: Paperback (2019)
Pages:   136
Genre: Non-fiction, Literary, Memoir

 

 

What’s it about?

This is retired psychoanalytic therapist, Mathias B Freese’ memoir of his 2-year marriage to Nina.

I have not read Mathias Freese before and is taken by his unashamed revelation of himself, and in the process, who his beloved Nina was. And this without fear (she is dead and he is old), and without favour (he has no need of this). This book is one man’s expression of love as he bears witness, through memory, to her life. It is a collection of short reflective essays, existentialist in nature and psychoanalytic in process.

I mean no disrespect, when I refer to 78-year old Freese as “old’ as I am aware that “old” is relative and subjective. He himself freely refers to his mortality and what is to come in the memoir.

Freese lays bare his regret and sadness in not loving Nina enough due to his self-perceived inability to express love and to love as well as he should – his “emotional deficits” as he calls them. It is his hope that this memoir would honor his memory of their time together and of the woman that Nina was to him. 

The poignancy and sadness of his story are evident. While there is much exposition, references to feelings and emotions are somewhat lacking in the “I am … “ emotional-kind. It is indeed intriguing to read the workings of a psychoanalyst’s mind. Reading this book is like a game of “hide-and-seek”.

Through the essays, Freese professes his need for “mother”, one who would nurture and guide, and love unconditionally. This he had missed out in his early years and consequently, he claimed this role of child in relation to Nina in desiring and seeking safety and hope. These, she was able to provide in her quiet unassuming manner.

She had understood the trauma of his childhood, as she had been in worse. This was followed by two abusive relationships prior to meeting Freese. The commonality of unloving parents, growing up without proper guidance or care (as expected of parents) nor kindness and love perhaps bound Freese and Nina. (Freud did mention something about neurotic complement in marriage? I stand to be corrected 🙂 ) The manner of how each coped was contrary, Freese in his refusal to conform and is outspoken, while Nina adopted the roles required of her and was quiet.

Though he felt inadequate and not “good enough” as a husband, Freese acknowledged “I was Nina’s final grasp at tranquility, of personal realization after decades of torment. I served a good purpose as the human I am.” Perhaps he did love her and in the way she needed to be loved – not as he thought she would want to.

Is it enough to know that one is needed and served a purpose? It would seem not, as Freese’ narrative is replete with regret, of not giving more to the woman who had provided him with space to be and caring in a manner suited to him. His biggest regret for not bringing her from the hospice to their new home to live out her final days. I found the self-flagellation at times difficult to bear.

Did he see her during their marriage? “When we are in a marriage or a relationship, we fabricate images of the other and live accordingly,” he wrote. I will let you decipher this from Nina’s Memento Mori.

While Freese generously gives in thought and intellect, he characterizes himself as restraint in emotional expression or acts of affection. Yet his affection and love for Nina is undeniable. She is portrayed as an industrious woman who  cared for two children while working as a seamstress while in abusive relationships. He loved her gracious giving of herself, in receiving his love as he chose to provide it, her quiet stillness, her unimposing presence.

What strikes me is despite the frank self-disclosures, there seems to be much that was not said. “At some levels we choose not to recall.” So what has Freese chosen not to recall? Perhaps that his love is received and is enough. Nina felt the love he had for her – he was “on her side” after all.

And tangentially, I wonder if Freese as psychotherapist and writer with a love for words, has found his manner of coping with his stated inadequacy to express his emotions. I will let you decide for yourself, or not.

This book is both an eulogy and an elegy of Nina, to say and express what he did not when they were together. It is Freese seeking absolution.

As a reader, I thank him for his courage and candour.

I hope Freese experience the redemptive power of writing this memoir. As he said, “I know I must change”.

Would I recommend it?

Yes. Heart-wrenching, thought-provoking.

My rating:                4 /5

~ FlorenceT

@FTThum
MeaningsAndMusings

© 2019 LitWorldInterviews

Dining and Driving With Cats–Alice Unplugged #bookreview

  • Title: Dining and Driving With Cats—Alice Unplugged
  • Author: Pat Patterson
  • Print Length: 226
  • Publisher: Ion Publishers LLC
  • Publication Date: June 30, 2017
  • Sold by Amazon Digital Services LLC
  • Language: English
  • Formats:  Kindle
  • Goodreads
  • Genres: Comedy, Biography, Non-Fiction, Memoir

From the Author
Dining and Driving With Cats is a heartwarming and hilarious true adventure of a couple who shares a love that most of us only imagine. Pat Patterson is a born storyteller and makes readers feel as if they are part of the road trip. This book will keep you up late into the night reading and laughing.  Here is the remarkable story of how a girl who loved cats captured the heart of a young man who came in from the rain.  This is their story of a shared love for travel and history, for food and for their sweet and wily cats Munchie and Tuffy. No cats were harmed during the writing of this book, although the humans have been left with minor physical scars from this very real trip with two very real cats. With the help of his Editor Bryna Kranzler, the award winning author of  “The Accidental Anarchist”, a non-stop two hundred and sixty page adventure wrapped in a tender love story emerges from the author’s diary.

Alice is a real life brainy, successful business woman.  Today she lives in San Miguel de Allende a small cathedral town high in the Central Mexican foothills. For over thirty years she lived in Washington D.C.. When she was fresh out of grad school and managing her firm’s D.C. office she captured the  heart of a young man who came in from the rain. He fell hard. He pursued her.  She said no –she told him she had cats. What she didn’t tell him was that she also had a secret. Over thirty years have passed since Alice revealed her secret. The young man is no longer young but he still pursues her. She calls him hubby.

Now sharing a dream home in San Miguel with their two cats Alice suggests they embark on a road trip from Mexico to Blowing Rock, N.C. in the Blue Ridge mountains. Alice insists the two cats Munchie and Tuffy must ride along. Hubby resists. Alice seduces him with a promise. She promises to buy him the perfect vehicle for the trip. He dreams of a Suburban SUV like the ones on CSI Miami and Criminal Minds or maybe a Ford Platinum F-150 4 Door Supercab like the one Mark Wahlberg and Hugh Jackman drive. Alice surprises with a Japanese sub-compact. She buys him a Honda Fit.

The reader joins the foursome as an intimate passenger on the first leg of the journey from the Mexican border to Atlanta, Georgia. If you come along you will dine on scrumptious creations from America’s most acclaimed chefs from Austin and New Orleans to the Procope and Odeon Relais at Buci Market in Paris. You will laugh at cats stuck in boxes, cry over destruction beyond imagination, fight with a Pirate, terrify a US Vice-President, learn cat smuggling, thrill with a love that wouldn’t die, and learn how the Other Woman persuaded Alice to accept my ring. So what’s keeping you? Hop in ‘cause these cats don’t bite. Besides, “The Get In Here and Eat” pop-up food truck is waiting just up the Austin highway.

My Review
Dining and Driving with Cats—Alice Unplugged was every bit as interesting and amusing as I’d imagined. If what you’re looking for in a book is a story that paints a picture, then look no further—Dining and Driving with Cats will take you along a ride of a lifetime.

It’s a true voyage of a couple who decides to take a vacation from Mexico and travel across the United States with nothing but a Honda Fit, suitcases, pet carriers, litter boxes, cat food, and of course, their two beloved cats. We get to take a peek into the lives of how the couple met and how they truly are devoted to one another.

It was a well-written story where you feel as though you were along for the ride. I love stories like that. It’s not always easy for me to imagine the scenes in books. So, when I do begin reading something that I can see in my mind’s eye, it’s hard for me to put the book down. I found myself laughing and at times in shock. In one instance, one of the cats does something completely hilarious, I had to fight back a fit of laughter while waiting for my oil change. And I thought my cat was a troublemaker!

From the history lessons to the eateries to the comic mischief of the two felines, Tuffy and Munchie, Dining and Driving with Cats—Alice Unplugged is a story to be treasured and enjoyed. Cats are certainly an interesting species and Pat and his wife Alice are certainly two likable humans.

*You can preorder this via Amazon now! The title will be available June 30*

*For more reviews, visit: Angela Kay’s Book Reviews.*

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 stars